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As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.