Those Words shared by My Dad That Saved Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of being a father.

But the truth quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger inability to communicate between men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."